My 3 year old son was “acting out” today. His daycare teacher informed me that he took over 40 minutes to change out of his wet clothes following a potty accident. He can be very stubborn, that boy. He was extremely irritable and disagreeable the entire evening we had together after coming home. I’ve learned that there is no sense in trying to reason with him, but rather I need to allow him to have his experience while I stay available to him when he is ready for comfort. 

When it comes to my son, it’s almost always a basic need that he is lacking to bring out these behaviors. Sometimes it’s because he’s thirsty, other times it’s because he’s constipated, and still other times he’s just plain tired. Tonight, he was just hungry. He didn’t eat a good supper and when it was time for bed, he just wasn’t having it. I got him a fruit and veggie pouch and he went to bed rather nicely after that. Simple! But somehow we make it so complex. He isn’t the best at figuring out for himself what it is that he needs. He is just pissed off and acts out accordingly. 

Sometimes I have days like that as a parent. Experiences can happen at home or at my job that can make me feel irritable and discontent. Today, I had a couple of interactions at work that made me feel like I wasn’t measuring up. I quickly jumped to the conclusion that I must have to drastically change something in my life in order to get out of this messy feeling. I am also very quick to criticize myself and think I must be somehow defective that I can’t handle normal life like everyone else. It can be a very helpless feeling. I am trying to learn how to “keep it simple.” When I think about my emotional state in simple terms, I realize that something inside me is feeling unheard or misunderstood. This comes from an old neural pathway that felt this way as a kid. When I allow myself to simply ride the wave of my old emotion without judgement or criticism, I feel safe to fully release the energy pent up inside. Energy that has been in my body for a very long time. When I release it, I realize that I don’t have to live in fear of that part of myself anymore. I am an adult now, and I get to decide what happens to me. I do have a say in the way that I feel about myself and I can speak self-affirming truths (even if I don’t believe them at first). Just like pausing while my kid is having a tantrum and really seeing them and loving them through it, I have to allow myself the experience of releasing the emotion without judgement. Then, I can truly show up for myself and actually heal. I get to remind my fear that everything is going to be ok. I am safe. I am loved. I am enough. 

Many times, a simple basic need of mine is also lacking, much like my son. Today, I was PMS-ing and was in need of a big glass of water and a snack. I am not denying that sometimes we need a professional to help us get back to a place where we can thrive. But more often than not, I have found for myself that many times it has to do with just riding the wave of the feeling and letting it go. Not making any sort of judgement or conclusion about the feeling. Just feeling it and remembering that if I am reacting in an over-sized way compared to the offending situation, it is probably an old feeling and just needs to be let out. When I come back to my body and give it some water and both physical and mental nourishment, I feel better. I remember myself in there. I am not the horrible things my inner critic says about me when I am in a shame spiral. I am healthy. I am able. I am worthy of love. I am enough. 

I need to remind myself to give the same level of patience, tolerance, and love that I give to my little children. I deserve to talk to myself with dignity, respect, and grace. I also function best when I eat a well-balanced diet, stay well-hydrated, exercise, and practice mindfulness.  

I can show up at my job each day. I will have days I don’t feel understood and it may make me feel unsafe in that moment. But, the more I experience the feelings and let them go, the more I am able to finally grow. I can walk in the freedom that confidence brings. Even if I don’t feel one ounce of confidence within my body yet, I am going to pretend I do. I am going to act as if I am confident and see what happens. I think that’s what everyone else is doing!