My kids are a lot. They are currently 3, 5, and 7 and drive me utterly insane most of the time. They fight with each other, over-react to absolutely everything, are forgetful, struggle with independent play, are picky eaters, aren’t super helpful around the house unless I bribe them, don’t sleep in their own beds, pee themselves at the worst possible moments, scream in stores, run away from me when I am picking them up from daycare, and make annoying sounds at all times. I think they have a keen sense of how to push every single last button of patience I may have left, and then some. I have spent an exuberant amount of time trying to think of the best solutions to the problems we have at home. I am what they call a “go-getter” and will attempt to change our entire routine and structure in a day in order to solve the problem at hand. I have listened to countless podcasts, read a plethora of books and blog posts… so eager to figure out exactly what I need to control or change or eliminate in order to create peace and serenity within our chaotic home. 

Examples of some of the ideas I have tried over the years – I wonder if you can relate:

• Organized, pretty, color-coordinated calendars with cleaning schedules, recipes, meal prep ideas, and family events
• New and exciting minimalist challenges
• Purchasing promising sleep training classes
• Researching the best kinds of school structures or homeschool curriculums (forget that!)
• Montessori anything and everything under the sun
• Creating a toxic-free, clean-eating, vegan home
• Positive parenting strategies – everything you need to know

One thing is for certain, I have done my fair share of research and have put my best foot forward and have tried ALL OF THE THINGS. Many of these ideas are good ones and I have certainly benefited from incorporating some of these lifestyle choices into our daily lives – it hasn’t all been a waste of time. I do plan to share many of these ideas in future blog posts and what key areas I have focused on. In any event, the moral of the story is that none of these ideas have been enough to sustain me. To be THE ANSWER to my aching question of what to do from here. How to find peace and serenity amidst the unrelenting reality of this stage of my life. I am left feeling like a prisoner in my own home, unable to find myself within the mess.

One major blessing of having 3 young children is that I have been forced to surrender to the crazy. I have been forced to give up the control that I think I have. It’s like that 3rd kid made it literally impossible to function at the unattainable standard I have been conditioned to uphold in order to be classified as a mom who “has her shit together.” 

Where do we go from here? I’m here to tell you that the answer I have found was a difficult one to realize at first. It made me feel guilty… and frankly, I was a little bit annoyed after my answer made its debut. What I wanted to uncover was yet another solution that my go-getter-ness just hasn’t thought up yet. Something like joining a commune and living off the land – then, I would finally find the peace I have been so desperate for. 

I have found the one solution that I was too distracted or irritated to realize. 

I needed to stop what I was doing in the kitchen, or living room, or laundry room. 

I needed to connect with my kids. 

I know that sounds accusatory and I really don’t want it to come across that way. I want you to understand that I hated this answer at first. I really didn’t want to swallow the fact that I just “wasn’t connecting with my kids enough” or that I “wasn’t being a good enough mom.” I have sacrificed almost everything I have ever known and loved because parenting is hard and requires every resource I have. How could the answer be something that required me to give even more of myself when what I thought I really needed was a minute to clean the disgusting toilet uninterrupted? 

I’m telling you right now, when you force yourself to go against the inertia, stop what you’re doing, and open your heart up to your kids, you will feel so much better. And it has nothing to do with not being a good enough parent. You ARE a good enough parent. If you are still reading this post, you obviously care about your kids and are doing a great job. When you stop and connect with your kids, you will remember who you are. They will bring you back to you. Kids are really special that way. 

Slow down. 

Stop doing the things you think you need to do right now – that’s just your conditioning. Your only job for the next 20 minutes is to connect with your kids. Hear what things they’ve been wanting to tell you but they haven’t had the opportunity. Play doctor. Dress up like Elsa. Paint everyone’s nails. Take a minute to JUST BE. To fully surrender to the environment you are currently in. To stop fighting against the grain and just ride the wave. 

Stop trying to conform to the perfect picture you have in your head of what you think your home needs to look like and just BE. The sugar content in your kids diet today is not as important as this moment of connection. Now is the time. Not after your to-do list is accomplished. Now. That is what they (and YOU) need more than anything else. 

See what happens to their mood (and yours!) after connecting. That peace and serenity you’re so desperate for is right here, right now. We, as people, need each other. We can’t do this alone. Your kids can be your community too. Enjoy them. 

This season is really hard. And it’s just that, a season. It is temporary. The messy state of your house is not a reflection on your worth. You are not messy. You are human and beautiful.